The Future of Gaming

Yuh-huh.

From Eurogamer: IGA and Mediacom (well-known and respected corporations that they both of course are) have decided that videogamers are the most ultimately primo source of gullible idiots that they could ever possibly level their advertising cannons at. Thanks to their brand-new collaboration with Valve, big dumb posters for a big dumb action movie featuring a big dumb washed-up actor will shortly be appearing all over one of the world's most popular video games: Counter-Strike. And of course, the gaming world will soon be rejoicing! For as Justin Townsend, top wanker at IGA has publicly dared to state:

"We know from research that gamers crave real world brands as part of the game experience."

...

Yes. All gamers in the world (an increasingly diverse swathe of the population, let's remember) not only put up with grotesquely invasive advertisement in videogames... they crave it. And I think they're exactly right. In gorgeous adventure The Longest Journey, I felt totally disconnected from the well-drawn characters and the epic fantasy plot because the pre-rendered backgrounds weren't totally pasted over with Adidas posters. I found Half-Life 2 lacking because Gordon Freeman's health wasn't replenished by regular Irn-Bru breaks.

Ha ha no sorry ha couldn't keep it up. Of course, this is bollocks in the extreme. And it is such a phenomenal, swollen, bulbous set of bollocks that I cannot help but congratulate IGA. After the death of story in games and an increasing focus on soulless high-budget graphics, they have finally found the last tiny drop of escapism (and, of course, fun) that they can wring out of gaming.

Real-world advertising in games is becoming frighteningly abundant, and has never been satisfactorially excused. In some cases, PR people have claimed that it increases the sense of a believably modern world, or (yet more audaciously) that the endless slew of billboard advertising is offering some kind of social satire. That is so much lies that it is offensive.

Of course, their thinking is somewhat understandable. I mean, twenty-odd years ago, this shot became one of the more memorable in cinema history:

Never mind the fact that the advert's glossy presentation is designed to contrast with the faded husk that is LA in 2019, or that the film got away with it because it was delivered in context. No no. Nerds love Blade Runner - everybody remembers this bit from Blade Runner - all gamers are nerds - therefore they won't mind if we shit adverts all over their favourite pastime. Mind you, what does it matter? "Gamers are a notoriously fickle bunch", as king twit himself put it, what does our opinion matter anyway? We'll just spill our giant bag of crisps in shock before forgetting all about it five seconds later and getting back to masturbating over Bloodrayne's Playboy shoot.

I call shenanigans on this and all other examples of it. I thought better of you, Valve. Look what they did to your baby. Don't you remember Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory?

'Course you do.

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'Beat' Nick has sworn off using products for life.